Hi Holly,

This is sounding like you're having doubts...doubts about the stability of your relationship with your husband. It sounds like just the thought of allowing him to sleep with another woman is giving you anxiety and jealousy. When you state "I'll be comapred" or "How could I ever expect him not to think of another that he has been with when he is with me?" is showing jealousy, fear and definate uncertanty in your relationship and marriage.

These feelings are normal for the conventional. You're not alone.

Now that I have possibly caused you greif (which I appologize for), I'll ask you some questions for you to answer for yourself. These may help.

First off I'd like to state this. You stated "I'll be compared". The better phrasing would be "How will I be compared?". The answer to that should be that there is no comparison. You should always shine as number one in your husbands life and heart. You are his primary and the one he chose to spend the rest of his life with. There will be differences between you and a lover, physical differences, different techniques, different interests, different thresholds, but you are still first and foremost in his life. This is the ideal and he must agree with this.

Let's turn the tables for a moment. Is your husband a jealous man? Is he secure with you taking a lover other than himself? Are you sure that he'd be alright with the idea that his wife is having sex with another man who might be better at it than he is, has better techniques, is better looking, in better physical shape, has a bigger cock (that one almost always strikes a savage nerve), gives you pleasures he doesn't? Is he confident enough and stable enough in your relationship and marriage to be able to know that you are his primary and you will always come back to him because he holds the one thing no other can have...your heart?

Think about sending your husband off to see this lover. Do you want to know when and where he's going? Do you pack his overnight bag with clean underwear and socks, toothbrush, cologne, clean shirt and pants, condoms and lube? Would he do the same? Are you part of the relationship or are you in semi-blissful ignorance? Would your husband do the same for you?

Are you concerned that he will be getting his fill of sex for the week when he sees this other woman, and when he returns home to you that he won't have the energy or interest to satisfy your needs? Do you think he'd have the same reaction if you had a lover and he didn't? This issue requires that you set aside time for each other.

Is this just for sex or is it dates? "Just sex" is simple. The biggest issue is to make sure your husbands partner is clean and doesn't bring home anything that can't be cured. There's no emotion and it's all just lust...enough to satisfy an itch. This more like a mutual usery situation. If it's dates, then there's more invested into the get togethers and qualifies as a relationship. At this point the lover should be concerned about your well-being and not just his. She should want you to be comfortable and happy, be eager to meet you and get to know you...be your friend. Now...turn the tables and put the same on yourself. Your male lover should have the same interests and desires...to know your husband and have his interests at heart. If it's all just sex...it's not going to last. But, everyone needs to learn their own way.

Since I started reading your postings, the one thing that's bothered me is that your husband doesn't want you to look for another...that he wants to find one for himself first. You know your husband better than I do, but in my humble opinion this is rather selfish and smacks of a man that wants a harem at your expense. I hope I'm wrong.

I hope these questions and statements help.

Chris